"He's Lookin' Thin": A Parody

To the tune of Patrick Swayze's "She's Like The Wind" from "Dirty Dancing"



He's lookin thin just like me
He rides the bike next to me
His skin is like moonlight
Only to burn in the sun
He's smellin' a fart
But he doesn't know what I've done

Feel his sweat on my face
His body's too close to me
Can't look in his eyes
I'm out of his league
He's a fool to believe
I want anything he has
He's lookin' thin

I look in the mirror and all I see
Is a sexy young beast with only a dream
Is he just fooling himself
That I'll stop his pain
Living without me
He'll go insane

Smellin' stank breath on my face
His odor's close to me
Can't look in his eyes
I'm out of his league
Just a fool to believe
I have anything he needs
He's lookin' thin

Feel your breast on my face
You're too damn close to me
Can't look in your eyes
I'm out of your league
Just a fool to believe
(Just a fool to believe)
He's lookin' thin
(He's a fool to believe)
He's a fool to believe
(He's lookin' thin)
Just a fool to believe
(Just a fool to believe)
He's lookin' thin
(Just a fool to believe)
Just a fool to believe
He's so damn thin

(Just a fool...)
(He's lookin' thin)
(Just too damn thin)
(Just a fool...)
(Blows away in the wind)
(Just a fool...)

"Fat A-- Thighs": A Parody

To the tune of "Hungry Eyes" from "Dirty Dancing" - Parody Lyrics

(play the song on YouTube as you read my parody lyrics...makes it funnier)


I've been meaning to tell you
I've got this hunger that won't subside
I look at food and I fantasize
You're mine tonight
Now I've got pants in my size

With these hungry eyes
One look at food and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the hunger just burning inside

I wanna eat you so hear me out
I wanna show you what fat's all about
Fried chicken tonight
Now I've got clothes in my size

With these big fat thighs
One look at food and I can't disguise
I've got huge ass thighs
I see my fat rolls and realize 
I've got hungry eyes
Now I've got food in my sights
With those hungry eyes
Now let me get some supersize fries

I need you to see
That meal was meant for me

I've got hungry eyes
One look at food and I can't disguise
I've got huge ass thighs
I feel the magic between food and I 
I've got hungry eyes
Now I've got clothes in my size
With those hungry eyes
Now did you make it supersize
With my hungry eyes
I need...
Three large fries
Now I've got fries in supersize
With my hungry eyes

I Nailed It!

So, I used to have fake nails.  I wore those suckers for 11 straight years.  The longest amount of time I was without them is however long it took the manicurist to soak or rip them off and apply a fresh set.  I never had a problem growing nails, I had a problem with my natural nails peeling.  I also had a huge problem painting my actual nail and not my skin.  Being the impatient person I am, I got tired of spending about 3 hours painting my nails, messing one up, then messing up six more nails while trying to remove the polish off of the first one I messed up, and then waiting for the entire mess to dry.  That's when a friend suggested I get acrylic tips.

~I must add here that I was one of those girls that swore she would never be fake- no fake nails, no fake boobs, no fake tan, no fake hair color.  So far, I can say that my boobs are still my own. ~


One fateful day towards the end of my second semester of college, I decided to give the fake nails a try.  For two solid weeks, I had these super thick, polished nails that never once chipped, but did feel incredibly awkward.  If I ever dropped change, I was totally screwed because my nails were too fat to be able to pick it up off the floor.  That part I hated.  I also grew tired of having to go get my nails done every two weeks.  Several years later, once I was waiting tables, therefore constantly washing my hands, I found that the polish on the tips started to wear off on the tips of the nails and the clear coat would peel off.  I then started to get white tips put on and would still go in every 2-3 weeks to get them filled in.  Eventually I just started getting a new set of white tips every month to month and a half and got the gel coat on top which made the nails stay shiny the entire time I had them on.  This was easier because it kept me from having to get them done as often, it saved me money, and white tips don't look as bad when they are growing out as colored polished nails do.

Orly Nailtrition

Salon Sciences Instant Artificials

Almost a year after I had quit the restaurant and bar business, I decided to give my poor natural nails a break and grow them out.  It took about three months for my nails to grow out.  I first buffed my nails out and tried to thin the acrylic as much as possible and then just periodically trimmed my nails until the acrylic finally grew off, while also applying Orly Nailtrition every few days to try to strengthen the natural nail that was now exposed as it grew out.  Every couple weeks I would buff the acrylic some more, trying to get it level with my natural nail, as to give a more natural appearance during this awkward growing out phase.  Once the acrylic had grown over half way off, I began to start painting my nails again.  Eventually the acrylic grew off completely and I started to use Salon Sciences Instant Artificials, which goes on just like a polish and requires two coats (I sometimes only used one) prior to proceeding with your color of choice.  While the product does not make my nails nearly as hard as my acrylics were, it definitely has helped while my nails are still in a softer state.

Sally Hansen Insta-Dri Anti-Chip Top Coat

In this new world of painting my own nails, I have also found what I think is a miracle product for those of us who paint our nails but are incredibly impatient when it comes to waiting for them to dry.  (Is it just me, or do nails seem to dry a LOT faster when you have them done at a salon versus doing them at home?)  This wonderful product is called Insta-Dri Anti-Chip Top Coat by Sally Hansen.  Two minutes after you have used your color of choice on your nails, you follow with a coat of the Insta-Dri and after 30 seconds, the manicure is dry to the touch.  Believe me when I say IT WORKS!

I'm still not totally sold on painting my own nails.  It takes more time than I care to take out of my day to do and I usually end up messing them up within 10 minutes of doing them.  The positive about the whole thing is that I have successfully grown my natural nails out and am getting them healthy and am getting to change up my polish colors pretty frequently, as opposed to all those years of nothing but white tips.  However, I'm changing the polish frequently because it chips off- usually in about 3-5 days.  (I am convinced nail polish shrinks, too.)



**Tip: If you have a problem with your polish chipping, try buffing your nails first.  Buffing your nails smooths out the natural ridges and makes for a smoother surface which helps the polish last longer.  You can also reapply a top coat every 3-4 days to help keep nails looking fresh and from chipping as well.


*This is in no way a product endorsement.  I hope this info is beneficial to you.  I still prefer the acrylic nails to the natural due to the longevity of the polish and the hardness of the nails, but it is always going to be more cost effective and healthier if you just paint your natural nails yourself.

She's Baaaaaack

I've decided to get back at this due to semi-popular demand.  Many people seem to enjoy my random wit and sarcastic retorts, so they crave more wise words from Z.  It would be so much easier if Bravo just came to me and offered me my own reality show so I wouldn't have to bother sitting down to type and could just have a camera crew follow me around on a daily basis so I could live, rather than live and pause periodically to write about living.  Anyway, for my devoted friends and fans, I will go ahead and succumb to your wishes because I am simply that generous and awesome.  I am also humble, too.

As many times as I get compliments on my makeup, hair, and clothing, I thought it would be a good idea to include some of my product recommendations on my blog as well.

So, there ya go.  I'm back.  You're welcome.  :)